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Fear and Fixation March 11, 2011

Posted by helpmeronda in On Leading an Unconventional Life, Uncategorized.
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So a friend was reminding me of the days when I used to drive to work crying. Trust me, it was not really needed, although appreciated. I am so on the fringe right now. That little downer I got today was just what I needed. I will not spend another summer in this big house, alone, pining for someone overseas who cares not for me, all the while wishing I was anywhere but here. I shall not do that.

Today I am like Julia Roberts’ character in Eat Pray Love. There is something gnawing at me to get out, get waaaaaay out! So far out that I may never find my way back to the person I am today. It is good. I am not mad about my little upset today, just disappointed. But really, I am grateful for the wake up call and all that this moment in life means. All the materialism and the worrying over things that do not matter. I don’t have much longer on this earth and it is time that I start living, not just merely surviving. I have twinges of wanting to stay here, but that is the allure of fear. It makes you stay put sometimes when you should not.